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Are Your Friendships Serving You?

Have you recently been wondering about different relationships in your life? Specifically whether to keep certain people in your life when the friendship doesn’t seem to be working. What really constitutes a friendship? What is a friend? According to, one of the definitions is “a person associated with another as a contact on a social-media website”. Really? How did we come to this? Someone is considered our friend just by a click on the keypad to confirm a Facebook request. Where is the intimacy of sharing and listening? Of sharing a good laugh or offering a shoulder to cry on? We can share our feelings on Facebook but surely we need to go beyond posting a simple “lol” or heart emoji.

Advice From Spirit

I decided to meditate on this and consult my master teacher in Spirit. His answer, or actually question was simple. “Are you happy in this relationship? If you are happy, then you are in a true friendship. If you are not happy, then the relationship is not serving you.” Sounds simple enough, but is it really?

Energetic Agreement Between Two Souls

In meditating further, my guide explained to me….

You enter into certain relationships as “friendships”. This relationship is built between two beings as there is an energetic agreement to receive and give to each one’s mutual benefit. For example, you may be friends with someone to simply experience adventures together that result in joy and fun. You raise your frequency together as you travel through life enjoying specific experiences and situations.

Or perhaps your friendship is based on a mentor-student model. You learn from your friend certain teachings that enhance your path and your friend either learns from you or else grows in their role as a mentor to others. These friends are put in our path as we can learn from their example or they agreed before this life to help us find our way.

These are only two examples of the many relationships defined as friendship. The important point is to realize that both parties must feel mutually rewarded in some way and that it is an agreed upon spiritual agreement. Of course most of the time, we don’t consciously think that this is any sort of an agreement at all. After all, we have free will to choose who we wish to hang out with. But any rewarding friendship is a good energetic match; it just feels right on many levels. We have engineered it through the Divine based on our needs and desires.

Some Are Not Meant to Last

Now here’s the rub. Not all friendships are meant to last. As we grow spiritually, we are constantly expanding and looking for new adventures, whether we realize it or not. If the friendship is not supporting our soul driven quest for ascension, then it starts to feel “off”. Friction develops as we may feel trapped, bored or just plain unhappy. For friendships that may have been working for us in the past and now seem one-sided, it may be time to let them go, difficult as this may be.

Equal Exchange of Energy

Friendships must have an equal exchange of energy. This equal exchange refers to a beneficial relationship in which you both feel fulfilled and happy. If you feel “drained” by the other person, then they are feeding off of you and not sharing equally in return. You know when you are in a one-sided relationship when you feel “down” when you are with them (or perhaps even think of them). It doesn’t feel good as your vibratory frequency has been pulled down to their level. If you want to grow and expand that which supports your ability to be happy, then you may want to move on from this relationship. This will open up space in your life to create new mutually rewarding friendships where you feel free to embark on new adventures.

Is it One-Sided?

This is not to say that we should always abandon our friends when they are going through a difficult time. Sometimes we come into other peoples lives in order to help and support them through their ordeals. This relationship prospers as long as we feel on some level that it is beneficial for us as well. We may feel loved and appreciated for assisting our friend and this also furthers our development spiritually. We most likely volunteered before coming into this life to offer encouragement and comfort to them. It doesn’t serve us when we feel obligated and resentful which is a sign that this “friendship” needs to be re-evaluated.

How do we know when a friendship is one-sided? The other person may continuously “dump” their negative feelings and anxieties on us but expresses no interest in what is happening in our lives or how we feel. We are their one-way sounding board with the expectation that we will lift them up. We feel as though we are continuously rescuing them from their perception of what life has dealt them. They may feel threatened if we want to venture outside the friendship to experience new adventures, trying to discourage us or “bad-mouthing” an opportunity. Maybe they make us feel guilty for “abandoning” them. At the end of the day we may feel spent, used or misunderstood.

Don’t Let Go of Your Moral Stake

Our “friend” may want us to engage in activities that go against our moral beliefs. What are your core values? It could be honesty, kindness, and equality for all. Perhaps its realizing that you are indeed worthy, that self care and love is important to you and that your dreams do matter. Image writing on a wooden stake all of your core values that encompass who you wish to be. Then imagine sticking that stake in the ground, never letting go; one hand holding onto it all the time. If someone asks you to do something that would figuratively mean letting go of your stake in order to satisfy their agenda or to fulfill their needs, then you have let go of who you are. Remember that. Never let go of your moral beliefs and core values for anyone. That will certainly take you off your sacred path. If your core value is kindness, and you repeatedly witness a friend treating others with rudeness or gossiping about them unkindly, then you are letting go of your values. If you are in her energy field, then you are participating as if you are speaking the words yourself. You will find this taking a toll on your vitality and happiness levels; whether you make excuses for her or not.

You Are the Judge

Every friendship is different. Only you can be the judge if the relationship is working for you. If there is no happiness in being together, or you feel dread, boredom or fatigue when together, these are keys signs that it may be time to move on. Remember that not every friendship is meant to last. And leaving one does not make you a terrible person. In fact, you are being a better friend to yourself if you are honoring your needs. You are on the way to fulfilling your life’s mission. Namely to have a joyful experience here. And also to develop relationships that will enhance your path and succeed in realizing your every dream and desire.

However happy, a two-sided friendship will also endure the ups and downs of life. And we are truly blessed to have these special friends in our lives. Now it may be time to ask yourself. “How am I participating in my friendships? Which ones are two-sided?” Its imperative for your spiritual growth as well as your mental, emotional and physical well-being.


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